So here's something....about 5 months ago I quit smoking. I was doing great! Just every now and then I would smoke when I drank, and even that wasn't so much fun. About a month ago I smoked a cigarette at work.....my first time smoking while not drinking.

Well, it has gotten to the point now where I need to re-quit. I have the patch on today (it's the low dose one) and it's great. Maybe I'll just wear the patch all the time. Nicotine constantly running through my body is awesome.

I wish they had a coffee patch. Oooo, better yet, a Miller Lite patch.


On a different note, living with the BF so far has been so much fun. He researched cat behavior at work yesterday and informed me of why cats circle through your legs, head-butt and what their tail is trying to tell you. The little man had a hair ball he was working on and T was really concerned, telling me that maybe the plant by the back door is poisonus to him, because some plants are not really poisonus to us, but they are to cats. I told him that it was just a hair ball, that the little man is ok.

He stilll went around to make sure he didn't have anything laying around that would harm LM.

Well Hell...I went and did it.

I am moving in with the BF.....it's something that was going to happen in about a month or two, but it is happening now. Last night we went and picked out new bedroom furniture. A whole big set just for the two of us.

I am ok with this. I am more than ok with this. Sunday night I was over J2's house. She is getting the pipes in her town home redone, and was just approved for a home equity loan that makes me giddy. She's doing it, all on her own. And here I am, the first day of the rest of my life. Moving in with a boy that I hope to live with for the rest of my life. Two totally different paths.

It's all happening.

This morning I got a call from my mom at 7:30. That's usually the time I wake up for work, but Friday's are a little different. Anyway, this is how it went:

Me: Hey Mom

Mom: Your cats have tape worms.

(some screaming and a few tears later)

Me: How? What? How do you know that? Have you been here?

Mom: Fleas cause tape worms in cats, and at the stage of fleas you have there, they have tape worms.

About a month ago I discovered that my cats have that shit...fleas. So, I bought Frontline, vacuumed the crap out of my apartment, then hibernated at T's for a little while. I've kept on top of it, but the situation has gotten out of hand. I don't know what to do!!

Mom will come over this weekend and help me. I want to vomit. I want to burn everything I have in there. I also want to drop off the cats in a field and flee (haha) my apartment in the middle of the night.

THIS is why I can't have kids.

This past weekend was about kids. I only saw one of them, but they were all around.

I don't want one, but I want to be pregnant. I also want to hold one while watching t.v.

But I don't want one all the time.

Last week I was talking with the girls about you know life, drinking, significant others, the best places in town to pee, and the conversation shifted to marriage and the like. I approach all that with such a business like mind. I used to think I was being practical.....practicality with emotions. But after talking with them and with T, it's just practicality with cynicism really. How unromantic am I?

I want to change that about myself. I do want to spend the rest of my life with T....we are sort of going to move in together sometime soon. Slowly. And I want to keep my own apartment in case something goes wrong, that's why I am taking it slow. SEE?! Why can't I just DO IT. I know it's a big step, and I know in my heart what feels right and what doesn't. This feels right, totally. But then why the safety net. My number one reason not to get married is divorce. My number one rule IF I do get married is separate accounts with one joint for bills.

Between the babies thing and taking the next step.....am I a bad girlfriend?